teach me how to blog

This is a post where YOU get to answer all of my questions! Yay! You see, just as we learned with this face wash ordeal, I am easily persuaded and listen to what other people say way too often (or maybe just often enough...).

Anyways, welcome to Teach Emily A Thing Or Two Wednesday. 

Sorry I didn't make it alliteration. Blogging fail #1 and/or 528. 

Sidebar: I have read so many posts from bloggers that discuss these very topics about which I am going to ask you. Like so many. As in too many. I just want a straight up easy answer telling me exactly what you think about questions 1-5. Is that asking for too much? No? Kthx.

1) How important is a Facebook page for your blog? Like truly, seriously, for realsies. I obviously do not have 500 million followers. I also do not have 500 followers. So give me the scoop, does a little bitty blog like mine need a separate page?

2) Should I buy a domain? If I do, will it completely screw up Bloglovin and other sites I have linked to this blog? Because that sounds complicated and annoying, but mostly scary. 

3) I need a detailed list of post ideas. HA, September Fools. Ignore #3. I've got a great list of posts coming. Fasten yer seatbelts.

4) Affiliate programs. What are the best ones to use? I've read a ton about this and the two that stick out are Amazon Associates and ShareaSale. Am I right? Am I wrong? Should I quit reading?

5) Which kind of posts are your favorite? Obviously you are not getting fashion ideas from me or learning how to rock a half-up top knot from me, so what are you getting from me?

5.5) Should I get faux leather leggings?! And a floppy, fall hat??

I've gone back and forth a lot (read: more than a lot) about how seriously I want to take this blog and what I want to put in/get out of it. Obviously I'm not in this to try to blow up my blog with 500 million followers or anything, but I would like to spruce it up a bit and make it real niiiiiiice. Ultimately I want to give it my best, no matter what. As my good best friend Ron would say:

I'm ready to Whole-Booty this thang.

Thanks ahead for any and all expert advice/answers/words!

on channeling steve irwin

Freddie's been all about doing outdoorsy things lately. Let's go camping, Emily! No. Let's go camping, Emily! Will I be able to sleep in a bed and not see bugs? No. Let's go camping, Emily! No. And then I realized that in order to have Freddie continue to do all the cooking for the rest of our lives, that I probably needed to find some sort of compromise on the issue of outside things. 

So. Enter hiking. 

We've gone hiking the past two weekends, and I know what you're thinking: hiking in Texas sounds like an oxymoron and/or a lie. Ohhh, you went hiking? Along the flat lands of nothingness? But I promise we've gone hiking walking through some kind of woodland areas. They exist, and it's been fun. For real!

We forget the bug spray and have to find bug spray. We forget the sunscreen and pretend like we are immune to skin cancer. We forget water and stand drinking the water fountain water for 5 minutes each. See? Fun!

Freddie found a state park he wanted to go to this past weekend, Brazos Bend State Park, so off we went. We even remembered bug spray AND sunscreen (but not water...). Now, in all of his Googling I'm sure Freddie found out about the alligator situation at Brazos Bend State Park, and I'm assuming he didn't share the alligator situation with me because...well, then our Saturday hiking fun would have been non-existent. 

I was clueless as to what was in store for my Saturday as we entered the park, as we parked the car, and as we started on the first trail. I saw one sign warning about alligators, but I mean...there were children and dogs walking these trails! So what...they see like...one alligator every five years? Yes?

WRONG. SO WRONG.

The first alligator we saw was far away and we felt super special that we found it. Emily and Freddie for the win! They spotted the only alligator to exist in Brazos Bend! High five!

So we did what any regular, enthusiastic, just-found-the-one-and-only-gator-in-Brazos-Bend-State-Park couple would do.

We merrily kept going along. 

Wait. There was another one. That must means there are two gators in the park! Good to know. 

WAIT. HOLD UP. Then we started to pass a lot of gators, sitting creepily in the water. Four, five, six, seven, and on and on until we got to one that was pretty close to the trail. 

At this point I was starting to question my life/why I was on this trail. As I was pondering such deep, life-changing things I didn't notice Freddie had stopped to take a picture of one of them. That's when IT happened. IT. No, I wasn't bitten. No, I wasn't attacked. Yes, there was one right on the trail in front of me. I froze and considered screaming and/or peeing my pants. I went to grab Freddie aaaaaaand...he wasn't there. I think I said quietly screamed something like FREDDIE WEISS, WHEN YOU LEAVE ME IS WHEN THEY ATTACK ME!!!!!!!!!!!! 

There was a freaking alligator within ten feet of my feet, and there was no way my feet were moving. Freddie got closer. Other people got closer, too. Some people took pictures. Some people silently freaked out. But all these people had something in common: they were dumb moving by it. I stood far behind trying to convince myself why I should walk past that alligator. 

If Steve Irwin could wrestle them, you can walk by one.

WHAT IF IT RUNS.

The signs stay to stay 30 feet away from alligators.

HOW CAN I STAY 30 FEET AWAY WHEN ONE IS 5 FEET AWAY ON THE TRAIL.

Okay, it didn't eat those people so I'm okay.

IT'S WAITING TO MOVE UNTIL I GET THERE. 

^^my brain during this horrific experience. 

After five minutes and ten people walking by, Freddie convinced me to go. 

AND GUESS WHO DECIDED TO FINALLY MOVE A MUSCLE??? Other than me.

Yes, the alligator that was probably going to eat me started moving once we walked by it. What even is the saying that was made up for this moment in my life. What even, alligator?! What even!

Long story short, we finished the 1.5 miles left of the alligator infested trail with lots of squeals, grabbing of Freddie's hand/arm/pant's leg, envisioning an alligator running towards us from the side, and speed walking. And definitely with no looking off the trail on my part. Must. Not. See. Alligators. Trying. To. Eat. Us. 

Then the scenery got beautiful! See?

Beautiful, beautiful, wooded area. With no alligators. But probably with coyotes. But who's looking? Not me. 

Thanks, Brazos Bend, for keeping your state park trails open even though your 400 alligators use them like they own the place. Really. It's a great thing you've got going on there. Real life Jurassic Park. 

Freddie, let's go indoor hiking at the mall next weekend. Deal?

friday favorites - halloween candy in september

Let's jump right into it because...because it's Friday and we gotta get down on Friday.

Favorite Fall Thing I Want 

If you say it is fall, I will agree. But then I go outside in the 90-degree temperatures and stop agreeing. However, in that short time when I am agreeing with you, I'd say that this is my favorite fall thingamabob. 

Halloween candy. <<My personal favorite mix. A to the men. Thank you, God, for Halloween candy fall. Although I am doing a Whole30 right now and cannot eat any of this said H-ween candy for another 7-10 days. Crying myself a river right now.

Favorite Song of the Week
Overnight by Zac Brown Band ft. Trombone Shorty

Freddie plays this song all the time, and then I sing it in my really annoying and/or pretty voice while doing some dance move that kind of looks like the worm, but standing. Anyways, you should do all those things, too.

Disclaimer: I am an adult and know what Zac is talking about in this song. Obviously this song is supposed to be sexy which is why I sing in my non-sexy voice and do my non-sexy dance moves. Obviously. 

Favorite Pilates Move

Blogland, meet the Teaser. Teaser, meet Blogland. After you do the standing worm move from ^^ there, you should get down and do a teaser or ten. Your abs will thank you. 

Favorite Thing I Never Understood But Now Do

The freaking eggplant emoji. All these years I've wondered why in the world the emoji gods thought of ALL the things (cough tacos) that an eggplant was deemed worthy enough for an emoji. Well, Freddie roasted up some eggplant this week and oh. my. gosh. I get it. I get it! It's yummy. It's a vegetable and it's yummy. Success! Success to the vegetable gods and the emoji gods. Now I shall overuse the eggplant emoji.

But let's still have a moment of silence for that yet-to-be-created taco emoji. Somewhere out there taco emoji, you are in our thoughts and prayers. 

Favorite Parks and Rec Quote

Oh boy, this is a hard one. Whoever came up with this prompt is mean. Oh wait, I wrote it. Hmm, okay. This is my current favorite quote from Park and Rec. By current, I mean this minute.

Happy Friday!

Linking up with Karli and Amanda!

things i buy into

I'm gross. 

Let me just start off by admitting that so you all are aware that I am aware of this. 

If I have a big pimple, I will pop it. 

If my sunburn starts to peel, I will peel it. 

Picking, peeling, popping, pulling. All things I do. 

I'm really nice to my skin, obviously. 

Since that last statement is sarcastic, and I am not really nice to my skin, I have been on the hunt to find products that will help me be nice to my skin. That's when I found Cure Natural Aqua Gel.

Normally I skim over facial products when bloggers post about them, but wanna know what caught my eye about this one?

Something gross. 

^^^Beads of dead skin cells. Beads! Dead skin! Are you telling me there is an exfoliator that you can SEE working?! Did we just become best friends?! (me and the face wash, obvi). 

Also apparently it's the No. 1 exfoliator in Japan. How are we so far behind here in 'Murica?! No wonder we all are obese with pizza faces (wait...are we?). We have to get on the same face care level as Japan.

Side note: I'm almost 90% sure that the entire population of Japan is over there right now living life and having no idea that this product exists, much less is supposed to be their No. 1 selling exfoliator... (actually I'm sure the entire population of Japan is sleeping right now, but when they wake up they'll go on with the whole having no idea part). 

The reviews on Amazon make it seem like Jesus himself made this curious exfoliator, and when you use it you will get a glimpse into the billowy, pearly, white gates of Heaven. Maybe even catch a glimpse of Jesus! Sure, there's the rogue review (or two, but literally only two-ish bad reviews) where the person went full on chemist mode and experimented with the product. They said the beads appear EVEN WHEN they had latex gloves on so OBVIOUSLY it's not your dead skin. It's all a hoax! Stop looking at the fake pearly white Heaven gates!

Basically that person is a) maybe right/maybe wrong and b) has way too much time on his or her hands to experiment with Japan's No. 1 selling exfoliator. 

Anyways, blah blah blah, I bought it. And...

// drumroll please //

I love it.  
I don't care if the beads on my face are my dead skin cells or not. This stuff leaves my face feeling smoother AND softer than the smoothest and softest baby's butt. It says only to use it twice a week which makes me want to cry. Why can't my face feel baby booty smooth and soft all day every day?! Whine whine.

So maybe I buy into things way too easily (true), and maybe I should read all reviews on products (instead of reading the upwards of eight...on a good day), but I think Japan knows what is up.

Many thanks to Japan and to Cure for making my face smoothalicious.

Have you heard of this or used it? Or heard of something better that really should be the No. 1 selling exfoliator?? Are you gross, too? Are you tired of questions?

**I was in no way compensated for this post. By Cure or by the country of Japan. I just like feeling my soft face. 

rides with rick: conversation edition

Freddie's birthday was this past weekend and whaddya know, birthday boy wanted to go on a bike ride. Let me rephrase that: birthday boy wanted ME to go on a bike ride WITH him. Now we all know how me + bike riding goes, but apparently Freddie's birthday brain forgot. He blew out his candle wishing I would say yes to a bike ride.

Dear God, I hope he didn't waste his wish on that...

Sunday morning we headed out for some two-wheeled fun. Me bike riding WITH Freddie means Freds riding a good 50 feet in front of me. I like to slow my roll and look at and/or admire everything we pass. I also like to hum the Wicked Witch of the West music and pretend I'm riding really fast through a tornado! Duh! 

^^^Freddie's that tiny spec way far off in the distance. No, not that spec. The one way farther away. 

I thought that for today, instead of focusing on all the "fun" we had (like I did last time),  I would focus on the conversation side of Rides with Rick. 

E: This seat is crooked and pushes me forward.

F: It's supposed to do that.

E: But now my pelvis is uneven.

F: rides off

//

E: Oh wow, that house is weird.

F: too far ahead to hear

//

E and F waiting to cross street.

E: We should go to that restaurant sometime.

F: Do they only serve sandwiches?

E: What?

F: Do they only serve sandwiches?

E: WHAT?

F: I SAID DO THEY ONLY SERVE SANDWICHES?

//

E: This house is pretty.

F: too far ahead to hear

//

E: Let's go left.

F: steers right

E: No, left!

F: I AM. 

//

E: I sure do love bike riding together.

F: slows down and turns around

Well, maybe you should pedal faster!

E: Maybe you should pedal slower!

^^^see?! Marriage is all about compromise!

//

And that, my friends, is how Freddie had a very, merry Happy Birthday weekend bike ride.

Ricky, I love that you still want to go on bike rides with me even when I am literally the most annoying person in the world. Thanks for only riding 50 feet in front of me instead of 100. 

the great mystery of fall. debunked.

Apparently my post theme this week has to do with seasons. I have a theme! A real theme! Am I a real blogger now? Enjoy.

Three hundred and sixty-four days ago I wrote this post about how to tell if it is fall in the south.
Spoiler alert: the entire post is facetious. 

I thought that today we could revisit the issue of How do I know it is officially fall?! Not when the calendar says, but when Mother Nature says. Because if I was taking a page out of the current fashion blogs' books then I should be wearing my boots and fur vests already (and my boots with da fur) (what what).  I think the ninety degree temperatures would say otherwise. 

Fret not, my friends. Today I will debunk everything for you so you can finally know, once and for all, if it is summer or if it is fall and what appropriate fashion to wear/things to do henceforth. 

Currently I am rocking outfits like this to stay cool in the heat. 

Survey says: Either it's not fall yet, or you, Emily, are totes seasonally inappropriate.

I'm noticing people have started putting out the pumpkin decor. In order to not confuse my home I keep season neutral decor out. Like this pillow. Meat is good in every season. And I guess there is a tornado season, but...

Survey says: Season neutral decor for the win. Now put out the Halloween candy. 

Tory Burch boots are cool and all, but I'm still styling the crap out outta my Target sandals. 

Survey says: Don't wear sandals in the fall, but I don't think it's fall yet so wear those sandals, girl.

If you are wrapping up in a giant blanket scarf to stay warm then bless you. I am putting a makeshift scarf of a cold towel on my face to stay cool. 

Survey says: Scarf weather is just around the corner. In about a month or so. 

And finally, I've seen some pictures of people wrapping their cold hands on a nice warm cup of Starbucks pumpkin something or other. I'm wrapping my comfortable temperature hands on some frozen grapes. 

Oh look, I ate so many it's hot outside frozen grapes that they are now gone. 

Survey says: Awesome snack. Any time of the year. But especially when it's hot outside. 

There you have it. Maybe it's fall. Maybe it's still hot outside like summer. Maybe you still want to wear your shorts or maybe you want to wear pants. Maybe you want pumpkins all over your house or maybe you want seashells all over your house.

You do you
(but definitely get some Halloween candy).

6 Things That Define My Summer 2015

Now that summer is officially over (according to those people who are telling me I can't wear my white pants anymore), I figured I would do what any other blogger would do.

Steal a post idea from someone (The Daily Tay) who stole her post idea from someone else (Avoiding Atrophy). So, ladies and gentleme...just ladies (do men read blogs?!), without further ado let me introduce

1. Airports

If I had a nickel for every time I was at an airport this summer, I would have...well actually, to be exact, I would have fifty cents. That's a lot of airport-ing for one summer, let me just tell ya that. From late check-ins (slow Southwest is my favorite), to delayed flights (lighting is my favorite), and from never feeling full off of itty bitty size bags of pretzels to so much reading in the skies, I traveled all over the country. I spent a lot of minutes in airports. Now give me my nickels. 

2. Weddings

Apparently I stand weirdly. The more you know...

'Tis the season to drink and be merry get married! Three weddings down for the summer with one more left for the year. And already two for next year. And maybe more. Have I mentioned how much I love drinking and dancing and celebrating at other people's weddings?! Because white wine mixed with Shake It Off mixed with lots of lurve (mixed with photo booths) make for the best of times. 

3. Selfie Sticks

#winning

I made fun of selfies sticks. I was given a selfie stick. I was happy. Freddie made fun of selfies sticks. Freddie used said selfie stick. Freddie (and our newly taken 200+ selfie stick pictures) were happy. 

4. Sweat

I've already talked about this a lot on this here internet home space, but Holy Satan's Crotch was it hot in Texas this summer. I sweat a lot this summer. I wrote about it here in case you were curious about my sweat. You're welcome. 

5. Pilates

Seven months into my thirteen month certification program and I live, eat, breath (study, practice, do, read) all things Pilates. What that means is I do a lot of sitting and watching for my observation hours and a lot of practicing for my self practice hours. And a lot of reading because anatomy blows, dudes, and I don't care for its terminology.  

6. Google Maps

Let's take a moment of silence to thank Google Maps for all the OMG-I'm-Lost-In-Big-Bad-Houston moments that it has helped me avoid this summer. 

...you should still be silent. Google Maps has saved me a lot, okay?

...aaaaaand another second.

Okay, done.

Thank you, Google Maps. For getting me from the grocery store to Target to the yummy restaurants and back home. Fifty bajillion times so far. Thanks.

Anyone else take sweaty selfie stick selfies this summer? Anyone?

four eyes

Let's take this Friday to talk about something really important. 

Glasses.

I know. It's exactly what you were thinking about too. I'm good like that. 

Glasses and I have had a rocky relationship. Rocky because all I ever wanted out of life was to need glasses and for glasses to love me. Now I do need glasses, and glasses love my eyes, but I don't love my eyes in glasses. However, I am getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning. 

When I was in second grade we had to do a report on a president. Of course everyone wanted good ol' George or Honest Abe. Some even wanted Mr. Bill himself (this was pre-1998 Monica scandal so no blue dresses would be involved. Wink). I made the sacrifice to take a less popular president and go with...Woodrow Wilson.

Why? Because this:

Glasses! On my face! I made the best president choice! Na na na boo boo!

I wore those fake glasses like I was the queen of fake glasses. 

Oh hey, mom, what's that? We're going to the mall today? Hold up, let me get my glasses first. Phew. Now I can see all the lava in my new lava lamp better. 

Fast forward to 2012 when I put on my big girl panties and finally went to the eye doctor. Sure enough, I needed glasses. <<<side note: for someone who always wanted glasses so badly I am terrified (read: TERRIFIED) of eye drops and anything eye related. 

My big day had finally come! I had waited twenty-three dang years for my eyes to crap out on me so I could wear glasses! Hallelujah! 

!!!!!!

It was like Christmas Day (BUT BETTER) when they told me my glasses were ready. I wore those glasses like I was the queen of real glasses...

for about two weeks. 

Why had no one ever told me how much glasses suck? They hurt the top of your ears. They hurt your nose. Switching between them and sunglasses is annoying. And why do I look like a crazy nerd all the time? 

Life went on and my glasses stayed off, and here we are three years later. I would and do occasionally remember to bring them to movies or shows so that I can see things better/clearer, but whine whine whine. What happened to them being as magical as I always dreamed of?! Why can some people look pulled together with just lipstick and glasses?! What is my life?!

My mom eventually got glasses. And wears them daily. And looks superb. Freddie eventually got glasses. And wears them daily. And looks superb. My sister eventually got (ridiculous fake) glasses. And wears (fakes) them daily. And looks (fake and) superb (even with how ridiculous they are). I was even her fake glasses model as my mom picked out a pair for her in Houston last week.

Obviously I am pulling off this one pair, but that's besides the point.

One day I'll figure out how to pull off glasses and keep them on my face for extended periods of time. The glasses gods are laughing their glasses covered faces off at the trick they pulled on me and my innocent glasses loving heart. Glasses, we'll try again tomorrow when I can't read the signs in the grocery store.

You are like so welcome for the plethora of pictures of my face in glasses. Ten points for anyone who correctly guesses how many times I used the word "glasses" in this post.

Happy Friday!

gettin' schooled

In playing Houston visitor these past several days, I have learned a lot about this city. 

Like the #biscuitpaintwall exists and is a thing.

And the beer can house is...just that. A beer can house and not really anything more.

I learned that the Heights is a lot bigger of an area than it sounds when people talk about it, and vintage stores in the Heights are cool. Bro. 

I am now aware that the Motown & More Revue show has been around for twenty years for a reason. The reason being that the show is uh-mazing and spectacular. Even the dog was dancing. Can't wait for year twenty-one. Son.

I learned that my family can kill some Killens Barbecue...

and that Johnson Space Center is pretty cool (but could still learn a thing or hundred from Disney about how to run things) (I was geeking out like no other. Hashtag new space obsession).

I learned that grand slams really do happen in baseball...

And that water walls will make you want to sing Wrecking Ball. 

And finally, my last bit of recently retrieved knowledge is that yes, you will gain ten pounds by consuming an ungodly amount of Tex Mex with your out of town guests. Or even not with your out of town guests. Just remember: a lot of Tex Mex = a heck of a blobby belly. #worthit

Oh! One more thing I learned. GEORGIA IS SO FAR AWAY FROM TEXAS. I already knew that, but shoot! Already looking forward to the next visit! Who's coming this time?

on being a guest and a host

Visitors are like...the most fun. Ever. Like totally! Having visitors means you get to show off your town, why where you live is the best, and why they should move to the best and never leave. Ever!

I tried this a lot in Charleston when we had visitors there. Guuuuys! Move here already! It's the best!

But then PSYCH!, we moved to Houston and now it's one of the best. The only thing about having visitors in Houston is that we are still kinda guests here. We are exploring too many pot holes of the city so it is harder to show it off, if ya know what I mean. 

So this week while my family is here, we're kind of letting the city of Houston prove to us that it is the best of the best. 

It's doing a stellar job, btdubs.

Here's our current Top Five Novice Things To Do In H-town. The H. The H-ston. Son. 

I say novice because we have only been here five-ish months and we have only explored about five-ish percent of the city. 

ONE | 

As soon as the visitors enter the city you must turn the car towards Lupe Tortilla and order the steak fajitas. Don't ask questions. Just do it. <<<motto for Nike and for Lupe. Just. Freaking. Do. It. And eat it and love it and be happy.

TWO |

Look up the free museum hours and go. Go! Why haven't you gone yet?! We live right next to the museum district and I didn't even have any idea that there were fifty million museums here. But there are fifty museums here, at least, so go! They all have various free hours, and what is better than free?

Other than Lupe fajitas...Those are better than everything. But you already know that since you've already done #1. 

THREE |

All that walking in the museums has probs got you hungry, right?! RIGHT?! Choose from the following: Torchy's Tacos, Luigi's Pizza, Kolache Shoppe, Killens Barbecue, Bodega's, and...literally any other local restaurant you pass while hangrily driving through the city. 

FOUR |

Remember #2 up thur when I was like blah blah free stuff? I have another free thing for you to do---for sure to do.  Go see a performance at Miller Outdoor Theater. It is free. You can bring food. You can bring alcohol. This is almost as good a set-up as Lupe fajitas. Almost... Freddie and I kinda sorta definitely have a Miller routine going. 1) Walk to gas station and stock up on wine (me) and Lemonadritas (him)(srsly). 2) Walk to Miller theater and lay out the quilt. 3) Chillax on the quilt while drinking your wine while enjoying the free dance/music/whatever performance. 4) Bask in the awesomeness that is your life. 

FIVE |

One word: Astros game. Okay, that's two words. Here's a better choice of two words: Dippin Dots. I know you know that I know you know how much I love me some ice cream of the future. I can't wait for that future date when this dotty dessert is the ice cream of the present. This Sunday is Star Wars day at the Astros game and my family signed up for that faster than Darth Vadar can choke a boo to death. I might even break out my Princess Leia buns for the occasion. WHO KNOWS. Go, 'Stros (and Braves. Go Braves. Forever ATL).

Well, folks. BRB because we are off to explore the Heights. And Johnson Space Center. And ohmigosh I better stop before I start another Top Five list.

As always, crappy iPhone pictures brought to you by yours truly. #blessed
Happy Friday!